It’s all about your frame of mind

If I spoke to you last week, chances are you heard me finally say “I’m not ok”. This last round of chemo was rough on me physically and mentally- far more than I anticipated. While I felt like I was able to stay physically active in the days following treatment, the nausea lingered longer than usual and I developed more side effects than I experienced the first two rounds. There were days I wanted to quit, and go straight to surgery. It was rough. But some of you very close to me simply stated, “you have no other choice but to show up and get that chemo.”

 A good reality check plus a busy weekend of holiday cheer and good friends seemed to be what I needed. 

Lately I haven’t wanted to over schedule our days and weekends for fear that I won’t be able to keep up with our “normal” pace of life. But it’s the Christmas season, and with CA going back on lockdown I was determined to make the most of it for the boys. 

A Drive through of holiday lights, picnic in the parking lot, drive by to see Santa, picnic park dates, birthday celebrations and dinners with friends have filled the last several days. I woke up this morning with a full heart and feeling human again. I played tennis with an old coach this morning and lasted an entire hour of straight play. One of my best friends flew in today to be with me during this final round of the big bad stuff. 

As I approach #4 of 4 of the major cocktail, it is with a brave heart and a calm (ish) mind. Family matters. Friends are everything. your love and support helped me get through this first speed bump of the journey. 

It’s crazy how fast time seems to go, but we’ve reached the point of scans to check progress. My doctors are confident the cancer is responding well to chemo so I’m excited to see the results next week. The surgeon called today to schedule my midpoint appointment mid-January - which is mind blowing that we’ll be halfway through chemotherapy by then.

I cannot express my gratitude to each and every one of you. As we wrap up work for the year, and hustle to prepare for Christmas, I am thankful to have a village that has continued to be there for me, and to pull me through these hard moments.