Almost Finished with the Red Devil
I had my third chemo treatment today which means that I’m over halfway done with the first course! The red devil is the nickname for one of the chemo drugs of this course, due to its intensity and color. I believe it is one of the strongest chemo drugs available so I am praying we see noticeable progress on the December scans.
I didn’t want to go today. I am scared of feeling crappy again. We have a long weekend ahead and I want nothing more than to drink wine and put up holiday decorations and be silly with my boys.
It has been a crazy week given it’s a holiday week but work has been great to keep me busy and focused each day. I was on a conference call all the way to the door of the treatment center which in many ways helped keep my mind occupied and off of the inevitable.
The treatment went smoothly which is always a plus. My white blood cells rebounded to above normal levels (thank you modern medicine) and only took two attempts for an IV. I wrapped up some work and was able to get into a podcast. So please send any recommendations!! I just finished WeCrashed and started Dirty John tonight. I am very into the true crime stories (is that weird?!)
The best part of the treatments have been my rides home with my dear amazing friend Amy. She was (and still is!) a mentor to me when I was first figuring out how to be a working mom when I had Brandt. I am so thankful for her friendship to this day. She always greets me with a big smile. She understands the after effects of chemo and all the things that go along with this journey.
A big turning point for me was over the weekend when I finally realized / accepted / came to terms with the fact that i have cancer. For the last +/-5 weeks I’ve been calling it a diagnosis, a cancer scare, a health “thing”. I have cancer. And it’s going to be ok. It’s going to suck for a bit and feel awful and terrible and completely change my body in some ways permanently, but it’s going to be ok.
I’m really good at burying hard things and just moving forward, diving into my work or the to dos to keep us busy and keep me away from dealing with tough stuff. Because of this village, this amazing love and support and prayer, it finally feels like it’s ok to have cancer. Because we will get through this.
So if you call me on a bad day, please remind me that I stated all of this. Chances are I will challenge you and say you’re crazy 🤣
All of my love and thankfulness for this amazing community. I wish you all a very happy and safe thanksgiving with your loved ones - whether it’s in person or on zoom🤓 🙏🏼
