Bidding a New start
9 weeks (63 days) to go- but who’s counting?! 🤣…
Summer officially draws to an end as the boys start school tomorrow. I am equal parts nervous/anxious as I am thrilled for them to be in school!! This is the first time ever both kids will be away all day, 5 days a week. Max is starting pre-k at his preschool and Brandt is a second grader (he’s not 7 he’s still my baby!) Brandt is starting at a new school tomorrow- we had the opportunity to enroll him at a local charter school that is a STEAM focused curriculum. Through covid I learned that Brandt does so much better at adapting to different formats of teaching / learning and this opportunity seemed like the perfect fit. It’s even better that many of his best buds/ baseball friends will be in the same class as him! But it’s a change and always comes with some nerves - especially for mom.
I’m on my final week of round 5 (rest week) and I’m tired. Good news is my liver counts have continued to lower and are almost normal! Like actual normal not chemo normal lol. Because I’m type A and OVER IT I’m counting down. 3 rounds, 9 weeks to go until we can close this chapter of my story. I spent a good chunk of Friday scheduling my pet scan, MRI and mammogram as my care team and I gear up for what we hope becomes the next chapter of survivorship.
My next pet scan is scheduled for 9/24 and my feelings about this scan mirror how I feel about tomorrow. So nervous and so anxious yet so excited. I’ve been waiting to see the results of all of this treatment which has often felt voluminous. But I’m so nervous we’ll be met with troubling news. I’m told these emotions are completely normal- and this is very much how cancer survivors feel in the years following their diagnosis. It doesn’t make it any easier but validates my apprehension.
My body has been a little bit stronger through these last 2 rounds in some ways, and is breaking down significantly in others. My bones and body ache all the time. I’m told this is a residual side effect of the IV chemo. I’m exhausted and the brain fog is real. I’m constantly at a loss for the right word and lose my train of thought multiple times a day. I’m swollen all over and my hair while growing, it looks more and more like I electrocuted myself. 🤣
We’re hanging in there. Everyone is tired of the treatment - especially my kids and Marc. The boys are often asking if I’m well enough to play with them or if I have to rest on the weekend. The heartbreak is real even though I know I’m giving them my all that I can give. Marc is a superhero in human form- I’m not sure how he continues to keep us all together and moving forward. I think we will all be incredibly relieved in 64 days.
So in these final 63 days, I try to remind myself the light is at the end of the Tunnel. I will recover and I will have a clearer mind. I’m trying to create better boundaries with everyone and everything in my life to allow myself time to rest and heal. I’m trying to stay focused on the here and now. I suck at that for the record.
My good friend Meredyth said that September is often as busy if not worst than December. Personally our family google calendar is overwhelming to look at. My mom told me it will make these last 3 rounds fly by if I’m too busy to figure out what day it is.
So with that in mind I wish you all some sanity, extra caffeinated coffee and enough time to unwind from each day.
